it should have went down this way

Friday, February 27, 2004

you dont know.

i miss you so much. so very very much. thinking of you makes me cry. i really miss you. i really dont know what. and why i find you beautiful. to them. they think you are a normal. maybe a lil leggy girl. but. ur different. your simply.beautiful. your beatiful inside out. that charming smile. that. voice. it makes one heart. melt. and that one's heartl has already melted for you. i really dont know why i do things for you. but i do it. althought they say its stupid. i dont think it is. cos. its all worth while. cos your this really beautiful person. i never realised. it. but now i do. to me. your. wonderful. splendid. evryword. i should use to describe you. its different this time. i dont know how long its gonna last. but. dont leave me. please. cos you are my everything. this time. its different. its really different. if it can go on for so long. its true. its real. iloveyou darlx.

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/27/2004 09:55:00 PM

but i do.

you dont know.

hey hey hey..... im super dooper tired. lorrr. something is wrong with blogger!! BLOGGER!! UR SCREWED UP!! U HEAR ME?!?! SCREWED UP!! hahaha!! just got homeee from the yio chu kang thingg... the boys was here. the girls too. like. WHOAH! haha!! damn crowded lorr. super loud too! so vexed. dunno y la.i saw her so many times lorr. im like. can i have reaction for you? cos. i want to say something to u. haiz. i dont even koe why i like her im tired. so tired. its just puts me off. im growing tired of this addiction for you hmm. yup. i find the scgs C DIV GIRLS cute. except for a few. and a few b div girls cute. like. for their smile. thier size. and all. oh ya. scgs is scary.. like. ya. 2-3 girls disgraced their own school. like. fighting over the damn chair?! there is 2 chairs f0r 2 line judges and u have to fight for 1 chair. like wow!! haha! but it was cute la.. haha!! sec1 mah.. still small. haha!! the 2nd doubles was alrite. i only got to watch the 2nd singles and the rest. la. 2nd singles. good fight. wahh. very good lorr. i stand so faraway. cannot really analize la. but it was a good fight. 2double. magdeline and wendy. haha! good match also.highlight of the match not very match-able. haha! suddenly there was an announcementso every1 stopped to clap for dunno what reason lor..then magdeline dashed from 1 side of the court to wipe her sweat, then just threw the towel down. it was still in the court. haha! her partner removed it. haha! the way i describe it is not funny. but when i saw it. it was. 3rd singles. best match. cute girl VS humongous girl(compared to cute girl's size) cute girl is sharmaine. and humongous girl is karen yuen.hahaha. lost la. stupid humongous girl. chitterbug!! ha! then when they finished. it was the prize presentation lorrr..all the schools ensemble liao. then sc still. go and change. so slow. evryone wait for them. then ltr. all congregate in one grp. and went to the same place. when they were suppose to split up lorr. haha!! was funny la!after that must wait for the darn tania lorrr. wait until. so long. wah liew. pple suspect i waiting for xu yan lor!! that sharmaine la!! haiyo. beginning of the tourney.so friendly always smiling. also smile at me. today see her never smile at me! wah lau! i smile at her lor! haha. gave that piece of crap wood to her. and i forgot to ask her if she wanted the bracelet. aiya. nvm la. hahaha!! oh did i mention that. i pon. chinese remedial for this thing? haha!! so bad rite. i koe la! haha!! i saw xu yan in uniform leh!! so. normal? oh yea. the ij tp. b div girls and fmss c div girls were really sweet. they said hi to me and wei qi! haha!! btw wei qi came in the end. i saw my doubles oppenent. i cant rmb their names la. but seriously. i think the fairer 1 shoud wear a hairband all the time. she looks better. she gel-ed her hair down. like. she look. kuku-fied. haha! sorry seh. wah i really adore the tp team lorr. they managed to beat CEDAR. like. whoah. i bow to them lorr. love my sisterss. haha!! hmmm. saw tania scream. seemed like some idiot. haha! hmmm. yup. i think thats all la.. haha! blog some other time. tml got training ((: YAY!

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/27/2004 07:19:00 PM

but i do.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

you dont know.

im tired. oh so tired. lol we dint really train but we played very long la. from 3 to 6? im beat. haiz. when ur having your periods u cant play man!! it sucks.. gees. maybe im making a big fuss cos im tired. im not playing softball tml. lazy la. hahaha!! hmmm but then again. i might be. haiz. today training was SHIATTY! like. yea? haha!! some how. i dunno what i did. i seem as if im going against evryone. they do this. i do that. they dont seem to follow no more.. am i no longer. here? in this world. do u just see me as another walking person. maybe. times have change. u changed and i'd changed. i thought we were all still together. guess im gone. the only 1 gone. whatevr is happening makes me feel bad. i feel as if im a villain. and u all are the sidekicks of some superhero. like. superjirl. whatever that is. seems like. the once formidable 6 has broken. seems like. one has just drifted away cos. the rest thinks she a villain. so the formidable 6 has been changed to the chaotic 5. once in a while the superhero still rmbs the villain. but most of the time they leave the villain alone. i dunno what the villain has done. maybe cos they dont spend time together. or maybe neglections and all. but now the villain. regrets. the villain. is sorry

*]]i love u. i still do. why do you do this to me? its true. its not a rumour. i dont care if i get hated by the whole of your school. i still do. love you

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/25/2004 09:05:00 PM

but i do.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

you dont know.

gwen is tired now. she onli got 3 words to say

i love her

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/24/2004 07:57:00 PM

but i do.

Monday, February 23, 2004

you dont know.

gwennie's a lil tired today. got a lot of catching up to do. mr francis talked to her and the badminton team along with the tennis and basketball. talked abt the darn results. next week we are sitting for the exams already. and gwen has to study. cos if not he wil highlight gwen's name and she would have to have a cup of tea with either mrs kong or mrs poh. which she would detest. so gwen has to go study and do her art. she would also be forced to do the after school.
programme. where she stays from after school end all the way to 4.30pm.
regardless of cca and tuitions. from there. gwen will have no freedom. so gwen will leave u with a really nice song by stacie orricco.

Will I always be there for you?
When you need someone, Will I be that one you need?
Will I do all my best to, to protect you?
When the tears get near your eyes
Will I be the one that's by your side?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Will I take tender tender care of you?
Take your darkest night and make it bright for you
Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on?
When this world has turned so cold
Will I be the one that's there to hold?

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Yeah
And I love you more every day
And nothing will take that love away
When you need someone
I promise I'll be there for you
I promise

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life?
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

And I promise
I promise
I will be there when you call me
I promise
I promise I will

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/23/2004 04:54:00 PM

but i do.

Saturday, February 21, 2004

you dont know.

had fun splash today.was a lil hostile at the beginning. began to warm up. and started screaming my bloody mouth of. like ignatius is wonderful.! hmmm. 1 race was the sec2. freestyle or breaststroke 50m. lane5 diana tham. and guess what. empty. the race went on and it was still empty. like how sad is that. no sarcasm intended. after that went to plaza sing. got my bottle. happy. happy happy.!! its yellow with a black top. its so bright. gwen likes it.! [yiippeeeee] anyway gwen has to go and sleep now. nitex pple.

*// still thinking of you even thru times like these. gossip and lies really hurt. //*

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/21/2004 10:59:00 PM

but i do.

Friday, February 20, 2004

you dont know.

hmmm. headed for scgs after school. was like at the damn bus stop with maria. i was like. whining. go la.... go... then she was like dont want. so stupid go there for wat? hahaha. like after some 20 minutes. i just flagged for the damn cab. and ya i got in and maria followed. haha!! and the cab stinked. smelt like. shit? yuck. can u imagine. and we were in that bloody cab for some 16 minutes? i timed k. reached there. was like rushing up. then maria was like. slowww dowwnnn. we got there. and all we did was discuss to go in or not. stayed outside fro some 5 minutes? then finally went in like. gwen if u want to go in then go. hell yea. i did go in. so u koe see them cheer watch them play. and all the other nonsense crap.like haiz. i suppose sc badminton pple are talking abt me. like. there is no hospitality from them. except a few pple. when me and maria was there only a handful of pple said hi.[care to share gwen?] sure. ze lei. that really really cute. girl. shes like. cute.then her fren who looks like her.tania. delia? or amelia kong i aint sure. shes friendly.*claps for delia? amelia?*and what i dint like was the cold stares from the 'c' div captain. jillian. something cant really be bothered.. hmmm. she saw me and started to talk to the coach. and the coach turned back to look at me. and she turned back. then she turned back again. and smiled. like a sarcastic smile. like how sweet can a coach get? tell me.*pukes*so ok. u saw whats on the arm. you know what i did. so. cant u just keep it to yourself. so now the whole goddamn world knows. and you happy? guess what.? I AINT. whatever gwen. whatever. yea. did i mention i gave the present to tania? im embarassed. like ya? so embarassed. i gave her a block of wood and a piece of acrylic for valentines. so gwen is the sweetest person alive. like haha!she was like laughing her arse of lor. im embarassed*cries*she saw the cut.its new. like new la. then she started telling me not to do it anymroe. but im going to watch her play on frida.y like aint gwen sweet? after scooby's match had
2 watch colleen's for GODDAMN sake. then left after that lorr. went ard the school. ahah! their makeshift canteen is? pathetic?? ya. and we looked at the notice boards and stuff. i saw the prefectorial board. and i saw NEO XU YAN- 4 service. she's in-charge of 4 service. like check attire and stuff la.. haha!! i want to buy their pe t-shirt. tania! want to help?? haha! hmmm. headed for training at bukit ho swee.pracitce the damn doubles formation. you know what. its overrr. like OVERRR. koe why? i cant partner you. and you are lousy!! *pukes* im not saying im good or what. but seriously. if you think you can go in to the 'b' division and win a doubles match partnering me. i think your so WRONG there is no progress btwn the 2 of us cus we cant work the bloody thing out. so what if i cant do the sqaure and split stuff. at least i try my best to rmb. i give up. can never you again? smash
oso dunno how. cant hit the ball properly and u want to take the back. im better off without you. and you koe it. im having this darn painful back injury. and it hurts. ps. i love my damn racquets.

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/20/2004 11:51:00 PM

but i do.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

you dont know.

[thank you. thank you for leaving just like that. so now your walking out on me eh? ya. great. yea yea. gwen feels GREAT.gwen who are you kidding. you know it best. hmmm.. so now. gwen doesnt know how to feel.feel. happy for her. and just be plain angry also for her. gwen has put her self into a complication she cant solve.]

had this softball thingy. im tired. im burnt. my plaster mark. imprinted on my arm. now how cool is that? my whole body is red. and im tired. so good bye.

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/19/2004 08:38:00 PM

but i do.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

you dont know.

thank you badminton. if nto for you i think i would be sitting here doing what i really want to do. but not others. im able to laugh again. haiz. badminton rawks. its fun-ner than softball. like totally. hmmm..

to alysia ONG!!: hmmm. thanks for telling me that. i really dont know what i am doing. im just feeling down. i use a soft toy scooby to take her damn place. when i koe that. its not true. its stupid. but i really dunno why im doing it. it just feels rite when i do it. i really love her. i really do.but i cant tell her. cos. i dont koe her contack

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/18/2004 10:49:00 PM

but i do.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

you dont know.

i give. up. send me out of school. kick me out. throw me aside cast me aside. why dont u ask if i have a damn problem before you say im not working.. stop saying im being oh-so-clownish when u hardly hear me laughing in class.u hardly see me smiling at you even.i cant stand it. if you want me out. than hurry.! cos i dont wish to stay if you dont want me.-gwen. u want to stay. ur mind just tells u what you want to say. but you just change it cos you really want to be where you are cos you like it here- why wont you just take some time and understand me.first. give me another 3 days? let me sort things out. the things in my brain. im sorry. but i really dont like it.think about it.do you think i did all these to test you all? cos. everything i say is all CRAP you know why. cos my crappy mouth is nothing but crap. if you dont like this gwen. what makes you think you wold like last year's gwen. rmb how much trouble i gave. cant you see im controlling myself. gwen gwen gwen gwen gwen. think about it k. what have you done to make the teachers proud this year? can u say you have been a well behaved student.?

gwen just hates her her damn life. rite now.!

hmm. i seem to be getting myself in to a lot of trouble. here on my arm is 5 alphabets. and yes you got it rite!! *claps wildy* x.u.y.a.n. i tried to tell my problems. but no one would understand. emily. you dont have to shake my guts out. cos im like this. ;). im tired. but not tired of living. you see. in this world. i've got things to do. and cutting myself.is not 1 of them. so gwen pls stop all this. yep.

*stop trying to be who you are not.its not how you do it. but why you do it.*

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/17/2004 07:35:00 PM

but i do.

Monday, February 16, 2004

you dont know.

the whole world is against me. gwen. why must u put up a strong front when you think of her.why wont you tell joanne. why cant you tell anybody. why must you bottle it up to yourself. you dont want to. but you dont know who to tell.if the whole world were to find out. how you feel.? the last person you want to know is the whole world. why? because you are scared. you are scared. your life. and your dreams would come crashing down on you. like how it happened. with her it scarred you for life. you know it. but your scared. you dont want your world to come crashing down on you again. you want to be who you are not. gwen. face reality. im not being harsh to you. but face the facts. do you think you could ever succeed in being who you are right now? look at your work. ok. lets put work beside it. you can cope. maybe you should forget that there was ever a person known as xu yan maybe by forgetting you would put the past behind you. and start a new. a concentrate. gwen. move on. cos its over. and you know it.

im feeling happy. thanks for the good news. haha. hop ard. haiz. captain xu yan. i love you. is your sister really jia yan??

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/16/2004 09:01:00 PM

but i do.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

you dont know.

thinkin about it sucks.
your the drug that makes me want more of.
you are the obessesion which im am obessed with.
you are the one i love, and continuing to love.
nobody's perfect. but you are perfect to me.

i.l.u so much.
its killing me.

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/15/2004 01:30:00 PM

but i do.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

you dont know.

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers. I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories. But I can be there now when you need me to care. I can't keep your feet from stumbling. I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall. Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine; Yet I can share in your laughter. Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge; I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask. I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me. I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you. I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you, But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself. I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting, But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place. scooby. i really love you.

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/14/2004 06:55:00 PM

but i do.

you dont know.

hey...

im feeling nostalgic now. i miss her. soooo muchh..match yesterday was stupid. i did line judging most of the time cos they didnt want to.i lined judged scgs vs scgs. *screams* SC ALL THE WAY!!haha. the sec1s are cute. very cute. *sings* you are my sharmaine my only sharmaine.......... haha!!hmm. sc lost their 1st doubles.hmm there was this service. it was out.so i said out. but they dont believ so i said. fine. i parallax error. and the sec1s were i have a feeling we will win this match. and u koe wad. it was 3 sets. the magdeline seemed as if she wanted to cry. but i suppose she is strong. haha!! lets talk bout xu yan. like. what in the world. i watched her match. i feel that. she isnt what i really thought she was. she cant really hit the ball.she cant smash. but she can push and do netting. her lobbing isnt that good.but her partner jasmine was good. she ran from one corner to the other then back then again. u get waht i mean. but xu yan was squatting in the front. thats what i do if i m in the front and i the ball is going to the back.back to xu yan,her lobbing- maybe its cos of the racquet.asked mr lee abt her racquet. he say i cannot use. im too strong for it. the tension i use is too strong for it.the max is abt.24 and im using ard there. or higher.haiz. but when she is stroking she plays better. yup.. i bought colleen's racquet. and another wan. i wont break it. but it still is a racquet. and u koe. *gwen feels happy for xu yan* hmm the crescent gal called hao wen called me nuts. haha! was talkin to the lollipop stick. the ij tp girls also. we were trying to defeaned the bendemeer line judge.so mean horrr. ya lorr. our last match lasted till 5.20pm.sc ended at 445? ARD there? cant rmb.

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/14/2004 12:50:00 PM

but i do.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

you dont know.

*[[ i wanna cry for what doesnt hurt. i want to smile for what hurts the most.]]*

hey.

had competition. lost to tp.talking to feathers helped. but soon it wore off.hmm. i wished i did better. much better. im so disappointed at myself. y?cos i caused me and pearleen to lose so badly. 17-14,12-15 and 10-15. haiz. im a sore loser. started crying. threw my racquet. and it cracked of cos. haiz. neeed new racquet. any1 want to sponsor me?? oh yea. when i left gave the prezzie.*thanks wei qi* i was like. ermmm.. excuse me. this is for you. then she was like. oh? err thank you.? lol. hahaha!! that sharmaine was with her i think. wahhh lucky siah. can catch her when she is resting and not playing. i dunno if she checked what was there. hmmm. i have a feeling that im gonna get killed. like how i got by sarah. oh my. gwen!! what are you doin!! i pray that she wont come asking me what do you mean by all this. haha!! privete letter. wont say what la. but pls dont think dirty. ;p ... saw sc's year book. very funny leh. she looks so different. like she used to be shorter. and a lil. bigger is size. haha!! ya. i she's a high jumper siah..*laughs* been to hong kong on exchange thingy. haha!! gwen is still laughing. and thanks -*cheryl voo. you helped loads.*- but i need a racquet replacement.haiz. and by friday!! like how lucky am i?!?!?! like gwen why did u do that?; stupidtity,insanity and immaturity.

]]thank you for accepting it. but pls dont come walking to me on friday abt what i wrote. if you think i offended you. im sorry. no sarcasm or whatsoever intended. i hereby announce that. im responsible for all actions i have harmed or cause to happen to you. signed. -gwennie chen-[[

btw the name is xu yan. not she yan? not shi an*haha* shi yan*haha*-what were you thinking pearleen?-

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/11/2004 09:15:00 PM

but i do.

Monday, February 09, 2004

you dont know.

hey

tiredd.. very tiredd. my cuts are so obvious so im wearing this sweater. haiz. haha! nvm.i cant believe myself.can u believe i cried after my game even though overall we won 5-0. i cried. my game. i knew i could do better. but. sitting behind me she an? she yan?haiz. after that infront of me. add the stress karen gave. if we dont win. u get what i mean. physically not pressured. mentally too pressured. i doesnt balance up. how are u going to concentrate? i understand. after the game. talked to tania. she told me shi dint want to give the no. i liedi told her i dint need it. but deep inside u'd koe i was dying for it. i called her scooby. i started crying. scooby..was not helping. haiz. bought the prezzies. im gonna give it to her on wednesday.

if u dont want it. dont give it back. just throw it away.dont let me koe u threw it. cos its gonna break my heart. i.l.u. so much

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/09/2004 10:07:00 PM

but i do.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

you dont know.

heyy..

im bloggin!! cant u see!! im blogging!! nobody ever comes here. im so sad. *cries* hmmm. i can just talk to myself since pple rarely come here. yea. gwen thats wad u could do.. yea.. thats what i would do. feathers. y did u help shi an and her partner instead of me and amanda? huh? feathers? y? u like shi an? no feathers! bad bad BaaD feathers. see shuttlecocks dont go with humans. they go with other shuttlecocks. ok? yea.. good feathers.. see. feathers.. u made me a fool. bad feathers! bad bad BaaD FeatHErs. u made my talkin to you so obvious. even shi an was laughing at me. like. whoa. haiz. shi an sure is pretty. just dont koe why. she just pretty. yea. she is. dont you think so. hmm those tp gals seem so bee-tchy? those shorts la. so short. its scary. haix. shi an. im lost in my world of shi an-s. lols. hahaha!! got nuthin to say liao except for this.

shi an shi an shi an shi an shi an shi an shi an shi an shi an shi an

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/07/2004 10:11:00 PM

but i do.

Friday, February 06, 2004

you dont know.

hi

shitanasssssssss lollll. something is definitely wrong with me. hahaha!!had the down rite shitty competition.. because we suck. thats y i have nuthing to sayy.. actually i mean. i suck. yup LISTEN UP EVERYBODY!! I SUCK!! hahaha. was sitting at the 2nd court i saw tania voo hui qi.. hahaha!! im laughing pple!!i was on the otherside laa.. then that girl me and amanda played doubles against was sitting just on our right. including pearleen. i asked pearleen to ask wad her name was. and guess wad it wad?? shi ann?? shi an?? hmm. shud be the same.pearleen admires her. hahaha!! me too. shes good. like. damn good, good?hahaha.. i was like trying to gt her no. like. ya. haizzz. hahaha!! so tired. comepetition sucked. but pearleen made it great. *thanks pearleen* yay!!im so tireddd. but shi an makes me happy. haha!! prefect lehh... hmmm. need to find that sc webbie. hmmm.. im gonna do some research and hwk soon. byeeee!!

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/06/2004 07:46:00 PM

but i do.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

you dont know.

hey...

today had competition.left class earlyyyyy. hahahaha!! so excited. wah liew.. oh most puked.lol... so excited. too nervous.hmmm. STC rawks.. haizzz.. lost my game. my oppenent could tell i was crazy.. haha!! i was talking to the shuttle. i was like bad feathers. bad BAd BAAD feathersss..haiz. katrina tot i was crazy. haiz. i dunwan to talk abt it. la.. a lil depressed.*cries*

i do my best. for
[mr lee]
[y`k]
[myself]
&
[for the school]

your going down,
down, for the world to see
2/04/2004 10:39:00 PM

but i do.